my heart and head

by writing this blog, i aimed to track what j, c, and i are up to while daddy j is gone.  i also planned on it being a 100% honest look into what i am feeling.  people who haven’t been in this situation usually go one of two ways– they either think that you are being completely ridiculous in feeling sad because afterall, you signed up for this or they are over-the-top sorry for you.  i hope that this blog helps to clarify what someone like me might be feeling.  i know that i can’t speak for everyone, but as i face this i want to be honest and open about my heart. 
this morning i woke up at 430.  it was one of those where i was startled awake, but couldn’t really figure out why i was startled.  i laid there looking up at the ceiling for a few minutes and decided that nothing was out of place, but that i just needed to be alone for a bit to process my thoughts.  i think that was a bit ironic since in a few short days i will be alone A LOT.  but anyway, here i am up and thinking. 

this morning we are taking the kids to a indoor trampoline place.  i am looking forward to watching j jump and get out tons and tons of energy.  i don’t think he even knows that the freight train that is deployment is headed straight for him.  he has not been acting like himself lately.  i know that he knows something is going on and we have talked to him about it, but i don’t think he really understands– afterall; he is only 2.  c is going the complete other way.  she is very cuddly with her daddy and wants to be with him non-stop.  that is unusual behavior for her because she is usually mommy’s bff.  mommy is the provider of her “boom boom juice” and she doesn’t stray to far from the boom.  it is really sweet to see her hugging, kissing, and loving on her daddy. 

after the trampoline place, i don’t think we really have any plans.  i hoped to make a yellow ribbon wreath.  it’s on my to-do list.  i don’t really know how i am going to do it yet, but i will take pictures along the way to post here for those of you who might want to make one too.   it’s silly how in my mind that is something i’ve just gotta do before he leaves.  it’s not like it is going to help the situation in any way, but it will make me feel better, so damnit that is what i am going to do. 


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