you know what’s fun? fingerpainting. you know whats not fun? fingerpainting with poop.

*stop reading now if you have a problem with me talking about the funny things that happen in my life involving poop. I don’t want disgruntled messages later*

my parents went to run errands today and left me at home with both of the sick kids. everything was going fine (or as fine as it can be while watching the Fresh Beat Band/Yo Gabba Gabba show for the 8th time in 24 hours). As I am sitting there rocking, j comes up to be sobbing with the rhea poop from his fingertips to his elbows dripping everywhere. *retch*

I did a quick assessment of the situation, i.e. check his legs for signs of blowout, so I could first try to narrow down which child had the situation. at this point in the game, it could be anybody.

I rushed mr. paraffin poop mask to the sink and washed his hands. when I set him down, I realized I had a perfect brown diaper print on my pants where he had been. I set him down, ripped off his diaper and went to play a game of hide and go seek with a steaming pile of the rhea. I eventually narrowed it’s location down to the toy corner in the den. the pile looked like someone had been ice skating in it.

there in the corner was c looking all doe eyed and innocent despite the evidence running down her legs. I did something in that moment I never imagined EVER EVER EVER in a million years that I’d have to do- I checked her breath to see if it smelled like poop. if she’d been eating it, I feared we were going to have an epic outbreak of dysentery to rival the summer of 03. (if you don’t know the horror of Frederick 03, you don’t wanna know).

c got a bath in the sink. j was still running around naked. I left the spot on the floor bc I figured the less time c had to lick her fingers the better. after c got a sink bath, I grabbed a roll of disinfecting wipes, cleaned the spot, and “ice skated” from the spot to the sink all while holding a naked baby.

no sooner than I got everyone in fresh clothes than I hear my son brewing coffee in his pants. he really needs to get potty trained. lol.

I’m hoping these cuties feel better soon. I’m quickly filling up a landfill. maybe they can name it after us. the drew family landfill. it has a nice ring to it.


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