alright! this is where it starts to get good.
since we’d called ahead and we aren’t the valet types (and our car was so packed that it only had an opening that was J sized in the drivers seat), we drove around looking for the self park. we finally found it a pretty decent clip from the actual hotel. it was a parking structure with about 3 levels. there were broken bottles, urine pools, and not another car in sight. I can’t remember if we couldn’t turn around or if we just thought we’d ride to the top and check it out. either way we got to the top and did one of these “hey, you feel like having all your worldly possessions stolen and getting raped today?” “nope” “me neither. alright cool. valet it is”
off we rode to the hotel. we pulled into the valet feeling rather uncomfortable bc we didn’t exactly know how we were going to reverse Tetris out our suitcases and we didn’t really want an audience. it turns out there was exactly one attendant in the hotel parking garage; an 80 year old Hannibal Lecter. No.shit. I promise you this guy could have been Anthony Hopkins very wrinkly body double. Since we were literally the only guests in the hotel, Hannibal the Cannibal drive our car approximately 10feet and parked it.
First impressions of the hotel? Gorgeous. First impressions of the staff? You can put a fancy uniform on an axe murderer, but it’s still an axe murderer. ok. so we give them our name and our reservation number. They guy at the counter says “oh, I see you’re originally in this room, but we are going to move you to room 6-6———5.”
we gathered up our things and headed off to our room. up the elevator from an Alfred Hitchcock movie and down the hall from the shining. we got to the room and realized the door was one of those slotted doors that you see heading out to a lanai- think Golden Girls. I’m pretty sure it was constructed of balsa wood and Elmer’s glue. force protection? I think not. it was approaching dark when we got settled and we decided to head to the hot tub.
this trip was in February so neither of us brought bathing suits so we headed off in our underwear. we were literally the only guests in the hotel. literally. so we didn’t think it’d matter.
we had been in the hot tub approximately 5 minutes when an old man came hobbling up the hill. 3 important things from our conversation with him. 1. he did building maintenance and he went to school with Bill Clinton (bc I’m pretty sure everyone his age-ish once upon a time went somewhere with him). 2. he told us that the hotel was literally at capacity the night before, but everyone went home. riiiiggghhhtt and 3. he was talking to us in our skivvies. awk-ward. when Bill Clinton’s BFF got done with us, we headed for our room. By this time, it was probably 9 and we’d been driving all day so we were ready to turn in.
Hold on to your socks y’all.
since we’d already discovered that the door couldn’t withstand a karate chop by a kindergartener and because we are super stealth ninjas, we put a chair in front on the door to protect us from boogie men and headed off to sleep. everything was proceeding normally until 300am on the dot.
at 3am, our door opened up and then slammed shut. WTH!!!!!!!!!!!!
the room was pitch black and we couldn’t see anything. I scrambled to turn on the light and knocked over one of everything on the way. no one was standing in our room holding a drippy axe or anything, but something definitely wasn’t right. It was pretty much a no-brainer that we were leaving. I told j I was taking a quick bath and he said “THERE’S NO TIIIIIMMMEEE!” as he was throwing everything into our suitcase. I was pretty sure the ghosts were back in the ghosts poker room having a laugh at our reaction and they’d leave us alone for a while. J had decided it was an axe rapists because no one would be around to hear our screams. axe rapists are like axe murderers but with a different intent in case you were wondering.
either way, we left. at 304 we checked out of the hotel. they offered to have the valet fetch our car and we said something along the lines of “naw dude, we can see it from here. just give us the keys”
by 306 we were in the car and headed the HELL out of Hot Springs. we had to drive down a country road about 20 miles to get back to the interstate. of course a one-headlight hoopty followed is the entire way through the fog.
once we were on the interstate we relaxed a little, but we didn’t stop until we got to the first rest stop in Texas. we both took naps sitting straight up for about 3 hours and we headed on toward home.
and that’s the story of how we were run out of Hot Springs by ghosts.
– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Belair St,Pascagoula,United States
drewonpaper.com 