bridesmaid dress 2

after my bridesmaid dress got chef boyardeed last night, I needed to get a new dress and quick. (and lose 10lbs)

i decided to order one bc I didnt think i could go through another day of tirelessly trying dresses on. yesterday, I tried on a bunch of dresses that were just one worse mess after another.

here’s the dress from the ravioli massacre:


I think I need to put this picture on my refrigerator as a cautionary tale.

I also tried on this dress:


I’m sensing a theme here… look at that unsupported left boomboom trying to flee the sausage casing. poor girl.

and this:


hmmm… horizontal stripes must be genetically linked to satan.

and i tried on a whole bunch more dresses that weren’t worth photographing.

conclusion? I needed a dress that

1. bra. I have to be able to wear a bra. my poor girls need support and a strapless bra is just going to get dragged down with the gang.
2. empire waist and spanx. must. must. MUST. be able to wear spanx and have an empire waist. my hips were made for baby birthing and making the kardashians feel better about themselves.
3. knee length or longer. whatever happened to modesty? and am I seriously the only person who got the little pocket of above the knee fat after kids? that needs covered up. fo sho.

having a pretty firm idea of what I needed, I hit the web to find the perfect dress:


hello, my pretty. and why yes, I am so going to look just like her in it too. (right after I lose 50lbs, get a spray tan, and have liposuction)

I couldn’t figure out whether I should order it or not though. I found the dress on a site with a .uk. I like British people. and princess Kate always looks good, but I did a little more research though and found out that the site is actually based out of china. well, that’s unique. if by unique I mean that i was not surprised even a little that dirt cheap custom dresses were, in fact, made in china. right alongside our toothbrushes, patriotic paraphernalia, and um… pretty much everything in Walmart.

anyway, the information tab on the website said the dresses take 17-20 days to make (from your custom measurements) and then they arrive in 3 days after that. I have 27 days until I gotta go to the wedding. that’s a pretty tight timeline, but the website had good reviews from about 75% of people. the other 25%’s caused me to make a mental note to pay through PayPal so that my credit card doesn’t get a workout buying up all Nokia products in China.

the dress i picked (above) had a flashing marquee on the order page that said “you order in xx day xx minute you get dress in 8 day” so I just bit the bullet.

as soon as I hit send on PayPal though I got a sick feeling as I’ve already wasted money on one dress. I couldnt take it and i broke down and sent the company an email.

here’s what I wrote: “I just ordered a dress. it’s order number xxxxx. your website said it’ll be here in 8 days. I have to leave for the wedding on may 4th. I just wanted to be sure the website had the correct information. please let me know.
this is what I got in return:


well, that clears that right up?

customer wants to know is can get dress in time the same thing as will get dress in time?

I appreciate the concern over my stress level, but I gotta tell you this email didn’t do a lot to put my mind at ease here. I’m thinking we are having some translation issues we wouldn’t be having if the company really was based in the uk. the british customer service representative might have thrown some superfluous u’s in words but I don’t think we’d be having quite such a mix-up over “can” and “will”

I really really really hope this dress actually gets here in 8 days and actually fits.

To order, I had to send in my “custom measurements.” I didn’t have anyone around to help me and I didn’t have on a bra annnnnd, incidentally, I didn’t have an actual measuring tape. I just hoisted up the gals, measured myself using a ribbon and then measured the ribbon on my dads tape measure. I’m pretty sure you can’t get any more precise than that.

come to think of it, if the dress does fit it’ll be a Christmas miracle. (as I’m guessing that’s when it’ll actual get here from Beijing)

maybe the third dress I buy will be the charm?

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