birchbox

it’s birchbox time again!

for those of you who don’t know, birchbox is a box full of designer goodies in sample sizes that come once-a-month with subscription. what’s in it is always different. it’s about 5 items. usually some shampooey stuff, some moisturizer, lip gloss, fingernail polish, perfume, and/or deep conditioning treatments of some kind.

there are a couple things that make birchbox so great:
1. you get a box every month. come on. you know that’s super fun.
2. you never know what’s coming, so it’s a surprise every month. also amazing.

i am usually a cover girl make-up wearer bc im super sophisticated and cheap. every month i try everything in the box bc you just never know and its a treat for me to try expensive products that likely dont look better on lab rats.

sometimes the boxes hit it out of the park and I fall head-over-heels for the items. sometimes it’s a train wreck from the word go.

2 months ago was probably the best one yet. it contained this lipgloss. it’s basically the most perfect lipgloss ever. I don’t wear much makeup bc the more I wear directly correlates with the amount of times I’m asked if I watch The Client List. this lipgloss is light and the tube has a mirror on the side which comes in handy when I just know I have spinach in my teeth.

but today’s box = worst train wreck of them all.

I got this as one of the items in the box:

it’s lipstick and blush. a time saver. Jeeeeah! (phrase curtosy of Ryan Lotche)

uh-oh. they messed up and accidentally sent me Barnum and Bailey’s box.

but wait. you didn’t get the full effect:

um no. I didn’t edit this picture at all. it’s SOOC (straight out of camera) from my supa fine iPhone. so my lips are for real, for real fluorescent. I’m guessing this lipstick isn’t environmentally friendly and it was more than likely manufactured at Chernobyl.

but wait there is more! great news! it doesn’t come off no matter what you do short of sandpaper.

also in the box:

it said this was full of essential oils on the little insert. they suggested you use them on your hands, but my face needed it more. and, I thought that maybe they sent these the same time as the lipstick/blush combo bc they knew these were the only things that dissolve the fluorescent mess.

I was half right. they do dissolve the fluorescent mess but they also dissolve at least the first 3 layers of epidermis. I’m speaking from experience here and I can tell you I’d rather poor salt directly into a cut than to ever use that essential oil towelette for anything other than striping wood or sanitizing toilets.

I don’t know if y’all support me in this, but I’m just gonna go ahead and throw that lipstick/blush combo in the trash. I can’t think of a single person on the earth that traffic cone orange looks good on.