trouts in the night

so this is how my night went.

me: zzzzZzzzZzzzZzz

*noise that was most definitely out-of-water trout flapping on the ground.

me: *around 230am sit straight up in bed with ninja speed! and arms just like this ready to karate-chop the trout’s perp face (reenactment. names were not changed to protect the innocent):*


what.the.HELLLLLLLL? is that trout?

but what do my wandering eyes should appear but 4 flying hands from my 2 little dears. reminder: j and c sleep in the bed with me every night. Y’ALL. these two were in a straight up ladies night bar fight in the bed. at 230am. complete with open palm slapping and hair pulling. what? double WHAT?

I mean. I have had some bad dreams and wanted to punch the dream offender when I woke up before, but I’ve never acted on it. and it’s a good thing too because I bet I’d throw a mean right hook when the other person is still unconscious and can’t fight back.

so anyway. I did what any rational person would do who didn’t want to lose anymore sleep. I became Switzerland.


armed neutrality. it’s like 1815 up in this full-sized bed.

only c was wide awake from her tactical open palm assault on her brother and didnt want resettle. 5 minutes later we were watching will ferell make a fool of himself on the MTV awards but neither of us were too happy about it.


Italy is just so angry all the time. must be all the carbs.

30 minutes of that and we were in the bathroom at 315ish making binoculars and kardashian kollection jewelry out of toilet paper rolls.

10ish minutes of that and j woke back up and came pinging out of the bedroom and said “I’m up in the middle of the night! lets eat something!” uh no.

back to bed.

it’ll only took until about 5 to get them both back to sleep and I got to left plank for the next 3 straight hours while I kept the little sleep terrorists from slapping each other.

have I mentioned how much I love my children today?

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