meanwhile in brazil

just how much time are these brazilians spending on their iPhones?


you haven’t truly experienced all that your iPhone has to offer til you’ve gotten a tweet from your kids’ pickle. there’s an app for that!

admittedly, as someone who is desperate to potty train when I saw this advertised on a baby old enough to be standing I thought- hmmm… that might be good. at the time I also thought that the bird chirped out loud while on their diaper to let them (and me) know that they’d gone in their drawers. you know like the 1999 definition of tweet. like it’s gonna get real chirpy up I here until someone walks me to a toilet and gently reminds me that this is wear #1s and #2s go because my parents are so friggin sick of changing my diapers. .

yeah, but no. what’s actually happening is that this high tech device is reading the humidity in your kids undercarriage and sending you a tweet. like zapping a little reminder over to you jumbled up between your updates about what new car Amanda Bynes has crashed this week or what delicious thing your baseball teammate from elementary school ordered at a restaurant in Miami.

and PLEASE tell me that you can link these tweets to all your social media accounts so that the people who already hate you for jamming up their newsfeed with pictures of your kids can now know when your kids piddle and can subsequently start formulating the super bug that will crash any computer every associated with your name.

I’ll give them that it’s a clever marketing tactic to get people to buy more diapers if people are willing to look past its asinine-ness. babies (especially newborns) do pretty much go all day long. no sooner do you change them than they’ve gone again. and sometimes parents (not me… no way) do let them go in a wet diaper an extra 5 minutes because damnit I deserve a cup of coffee before I have to change another damn diaper this very day. I guess a repetitive tweet that escalates to “change me right now you lazy turd” could be of use there.

I still think I like my original misinterpreted version better. does someone want to invent that or modify the existing design? I’m too busy attempting to potty train these people and logging too many bathroom hours to do it myself.

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