momuform

do you know what I do all day? clean up other people’s fecal matter, prepare food, clean a little, and do laundry. so glamourous. flossy, flossy.

In my life before kids (when I was always put together- except at Walmart, but Walmart doesn’t count), I would notice moms out and about running errands during the day in yoga pants, stained tshirts, and tennis shoes. frankly, I thought they looked really comfortable, kinda sloppy, a little lot tired.

now, I wouldn’t say I judged these ladies… buuuttt I did notice a trend. and i wondered at exactly what point moms just said screw it to actually getting dressed and started wearing the “momuform” (mom uniform).


momuform selfie! stained tee: check, yoga pants: enthusiastic check, tennis shoes: you bet your ass.

now that I am a stay at home mom I can answer the question of when moms wave the dirty whitey tighty flag to getting dressed everyday: i.e. when all my cute clothes stopped fitting like they used to even though I weighed the same, when I got bodily fluids spilled on me at least 3 times a day, when my kids started having perma sticky fingers, and when I started having an angry little audience during my showers. nothing kills your lookin’ fly vibe like getting screamed at while you’re trying to freshen up your p,t, and a. forget makeup.

on the odd day when I do make an effort to get dressed up nice, my kids inadvertently catapult butter onto my clothing or get a nose bled down my shirt or find a can of chef boyarde to fingerprint with while I’m taking the trash out. it’s just not worth it to waste an outfit.


insignificant day/ day I will get poop on something… so basically everyday ending in y.

so yeah. I admit it. I wore my momuform out today to run a couple errands. my kids were dressed cute as Hell even if I was a cold, undignified mess. you know what else? within 5 minutes of having on a fresh t-shirt, I got ketchup fingers all down my front. was I glad it was on my momuform and not something nice? you betcha.

was I embarrassed to be seen in public wearing yoga pants, tennis shoes, and a shirt with a ketchup stain? not a chance.

until Ann Taylor makes a Teflon T-shirt that feels like well-washed cotton, I’m gonna keep on keeping on.

survival of the fittest, y’all.

so if you see me out and about in my momuform or one of my compatriots, invite us to go someplace with you sans kids. We’d love an excuse to change out of our uniform and play with grown-ups and I promise we clean up pretty nice!

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