time.

Today has straight up not been my day.

Mornings dictate a lot of how the day goes. Some days we slay. Some days we get slain.

I’m hardly a parenting expert, but I’ve learned that the single most important factor in my “success” is the time I allow myself to fuck up all the things and still be on time.

This morning, the kids’ aunt left after a fantastic visit and they were sad babes. I didn’t factor in the extra time it takes for sad little turtles to get dressed. I did factor in extra times for the roads, but not for the giant sheet of ice that 80% of the roads were. I also didn’t factor in the amount of time that Laurel screaming in my face because she’d been up since 445 would absorb.

There was much sweating and much fussing and much GETINTHRCARRIGHTNOWANDSTOPWHININGATME-ing. Spoiler alert: me getting frustrated with the kids for being kids and not making provisions for extra time to allow them to be kids isn’t helpful.

Poor Jack is so tightly wound like me. To this day, being late gives me ANXIETY. I was feeling anxious this morning about being late to school too, but I didn’t want to let on. Jack and I must be cosmically connected because he lost his braiiinnnsss. I heard his breath quickening in the back seat with every passing minute and I did my best to reassure him it was ok, but he wasn’t assured.

When we got to school and checked in from being tardy, there were only like 6 kids in the classrooms. We weren’t the *only* ones late and frustrated but the morning still felt really heavy. Was it because we were tardy? I mean… yeah, a little. I think it was mostly from the chaos of the morning.

As a mom of 4, there is always some body or some thing in a state of upset. I can’t let the environment dictate my mood. I need to let my mood dictate the environment.

So much of that is allowing time for mistakes and loving correction. Chaos begets chaos. I’m a lot of things but I don’t want to be the conductor of the chaos train. I want to be the safe harbor in the storm.

Tonight we have a lot going on and we are on a tight timeline. I’m going to practice teaching my kids that doing our best is what’s most important. Some days we will be late. Some times we will be short with one another when we feel stress. We will apologize and move forward and try to do better the next time.

Tomorrow. I will do better. Tomorrow. I will allow a little extra time. Tomorrow. I will do my best.

I’m very thankful that my kids still love me through the rush. I hope that tomorrow I can support them even more in the calm.