distancing days 1-5

Distancing Day 5.5 Thoughts:

1. I cleaned for 6 hours today. While my lunch was heating up at 3pm, I sat down to enjoy my clean house. Best 4.2 seconds of my day so far.

2. I broke out the Fabuloso and cleaned like my Abuela was coming over for dinner. I usually like to use more all-natural stuff since I’m allergic to e’rethang but this virus is no time for Mrs. Meyers Basil to try to show out.

3. I removed the cream couch covers and switched to gray couch covers to get us through this difficult time.

4. Jack coded in his underwear for like 7 hours today. Clara misspelled school (SCHOL) on the school banner. Marian mastered a kick over out of a backbend. Laurel threw Alexa across the den and earned herself a nap at 415pm. The younger three also had on bathing suits and were trying to run through the sprinklers on this balmy 63 degree day at some point around high noon.

5. I don’t know what I’m doing and everyone is yelling is the theme of my life.

Distancing Day 5 Thoughts:

We are early to-day.

1. My janky ass “that’s ok, we don’t play a lot of video games. I don’t need the deluxe internet” package cannot hang and we are losing tests and quizzes in the middle of them which is NOT, I repeat NOT, good for morale.

2. I feel like my downstairs looks like the aftermath of jumangi. Clara is currently getting a degree in interior design bc my dining room needs to feel like a school room and not just like the place where I question how gravy got all the way up there. I will also be cleaning because dishes and dirty floors give me hives, but I have children. Home ec is going to be added to life skills from now on.

3. Jerry is having to report symptoms up the chain of command so now everyone in his unit knows that I have had intestinal upset. It had likely nothing to do with COVID 19 and far more to do with my snacks for quarantine 19. This should make absolutely zero mandatory fun events in the future awkward.

4. I waxed my facial hair today because it turns out I cannot be at my peak mommy school performance when I feel like a billy goat. No makeup and no bra is ok. No facial definition because of sasquachian hair growth is not.

5. We are doing a bit of a reset today because I’m white knuckling this a little too hard. Jack is coding, Clara is interior decorating, Marian is watching Jack Hartman do weird things on the YouTubes, and Laurel is feral. It’s all in a days work. Thankfully all the days are blending together so we can school it upppp on Saturday to make up for whatever today is and no one will know.

Distancing Day 4 Thoughts:

Jack and I showed math what was uppppp. He was so proud! It was really cool to see and gave me a little insight into why teachers do what they do even though dump trucks full of alcohol deliveries are likely few and far between.

We built in a big chunk of rest time today because even though we haven’t *done* anything, we’ve done A LOT and we are all tired.

Mostly all of us have had our baths for the day, but there are muddy puddles and rain boots and a preschooler’s allegiance to Peppa and her favorite activity to keep us busy and active and socially distanced this afternoon.

I am really happy to have this time with the kids even when it’s not easy. I knew I missed them during the day but I didn’t realize just how much. Sure, they’re loud, screechy, annoying, and the messiest humans God could have possibly created. BUT. They’re also bright, kind, excited, thoughtful, mostly helpful, and mine.

Distancing Day 3 Thoughts:

Teachers do not get paid enough.

I should have gotten the home addresses of everyone and anyone that’s ever come in contact with any of these offspring in a school setting, so that I could have alcohol delivered to them by the dump truck full.

I still think tomorrow schooling will be better, but I am going to have to let Mr. Khan reteach me math. I tried to show the kids the way I knew to do their quiz problems and they gave me the 1000 yard stare. Additionally, the answer was wrong to every question. I have several degrees and apparently not one single brain cell firing off correctly in my whole damn head.

Distancing Day 2 Thoughts:

It’s hard to be motivated to do anything extraordinary around the house when you know you’re just going to be home for 42 weeks.

My personal hygiene is bound to be at its 10 year peak since I’ve got all the time in the world to shower. My peak hygiene performance is running parallel with seeing absolutely no one, so there’s a new verse for you, Alanis Morisette.

I am blown away by the generosity of so many people who are creating courses and online classes and support for those of us who are gonna do our damndest to try and educate these small humans over the next few weeks.

Distancing Day 1 Thoughts:

I feel like these next few weeks are going to be like a Snow Day on bath salts.

Upon inventorying my pantry, I’ve realized I’ve been training my whole life for this. I uncovered 6! 6 bottles of Catalina.


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