distancing day 11 thoughts:

I napped to escape my pantry today. I’m up from the nap and still eating. I switched to the more waistline conscious choice of apples, but I nearly choked twice. One time, while choking, I sputtered apple chunks all over the back of Jerry’s neck. If you ever had any questions about what it’s like to live with me, I think that sums it up. I’d like to also go on the record as saying cheetos wouldn’t do me like that.

The sun is out so we ain’t doin’ shiiiiiiiit at Mommy school. I have been on the front porch getting sunburned since 8am (save my nap). There has not been any Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or math facts, but PE and Art are fire.

My sunbathing efforts brought light to the fact that I have no shorts that fit. I am gonna need somebody to tell me right now whether or not summer is cancelled because I might have to take up recreational crack to get back in my shorts before we are released.

Speaking of canceling summer, Jack and Clara’s First Communion is unsurprisingly delayed. We don’t have a date yet for the reschedule and when I told my mom she was a little concerned Clara would be much bigger by the reschedule and she might need to remake her dress. I let mom know we have been eating a lot, but not *that* much. The one thing we WON’T be eating is the host on May 17th.

The toilet paper reserves at the Drew dwelling are getting dangerously low. I have made many, many jokes about using socks, but the best jokes are rooted in truth. I haven’t explained sock butt wiping procedures to the kids but I anticipate it’s gonna be one for the record books. Great Grandma MeaMea is going to be considered bat shit crazy one day and, hopefully, feared just enough to make it fun.

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