1. Y’all. Somebody needs to come over here and snatch my wax out of my amateur aesthetician hands. I can’t stop waxing and pretty soon I’m gonna have eyebrows like chubby Christian Aguilera. I’d love my early 2000s body back, but not my eyebrows. SOMEBODY, I AM BEGGING YOU, SAVE ME FROM MYSELF! If you could take the refrigerator with you when you go, that would also be helpful.
2. Can it please be the weekend? I realize that’s a silly thing to say since this is like the worst Groundhog’s day of all time, but on the weekends we don’t also have school. Even though we are managing fine with the learnin’ this week (I *think*), trying to manage all these schedules is like trying to drink something carbonated and spicy from a firehose! Today I had an iron clad schedule of who had what when and we still missed zoom calls like a blind outfielder. As soon as I get my life together today (Hahahaha), I’m going to go through every person’s 823 google classroom boards and create a calendar of what’s due when and when they have calls. Then, I’m going to make myself a master calendar and then I’m going to row away from my house on my river of tears- likely never to return… or at the very least not until my next shift at the Gulag.
3. Speaking of zoom calls: I hate them. You would assume that my children are old enough that they could be trusted to sit, shut the fuck up, and listen. They cannot. I even had to sit next to my 10 year old and yell whisper “MUTE YOUR MICROPHONE” over and over and over and over again the length of his call. There were 8! Zoom meetings today. I spent 4 ish hours of my day, ON TOP of my work and their educating, threatening these loud-ass hamflowers with the loss of liberty and internet access if they didn’t mute their damn mic. How’s about that for feeling like a contributing member of society?
4. I have been taking 3, 4, 5, 6 baths a day just as a way to have 5 minutes to myself. I am an introvert and being at home isn’t enough. I need my family to go away to properly self-care. The ones with similar bathroom parts keep finding me and asking me if they can have a bath too. Sure. I’ll just get out rather than take a bath in each other’s skin soup. I have also tried hiding in the dark van in the dark garage- nope. These people are like blood hounds. There is no escape. Tomorrow I’m going to try hiding in the upright deep freezer in the garage. Sure, I might catch hypothermia and die but at least it’ll be quiet when I go.
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