I’m writing this laying down in bed while I shiver, so this might be a wild one tonight.
1. I woke up at 3 because I had a terrible tummy ache and decide that I should use the quiet for mental health and catch up on shows. I watched the last episode of The Good Place and that was a decision that DID NOT lead to mental health strides. I’ll save you the whole narrative but the characters get to leave The Good Place to become nothing when they’re ready, but the entire episode deals with the feelings of those left behind when they leave. It hit a little close to home with all that’s going on now and all the feelings we are feeling and it started me on a sobfest for a solid hour. It’s not all bad. I was probably overdue for a good cry and it’s not really something cathartic when there are 4 little cherub faces and 8 eyes of a cherub staring at you and asking what’s wrong. We are definitely not being dishonest with the kids, but they didn’t need front row tickets to my sad party of one either. As a dear friend says or maybe I said it and it’s been repeated so much it’s just “ours” now, pity parties can be good, just don’t unpack and live there. So, I felt my shit and I moved on. Moving on happened to be to a nap.
2. Jack and Clara had zoom Sunday school today for the First Communion class. Sigh. That’s weird too. Matthew 18:20 says “For where two or three are gathered in My name, there am I with them.” I don’t doubt that to be true- right there over Zoom and everything. We don’t have to be at Church to know Christ’s love, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss Sunday mornings. They are dysfunctional and cussy and frustrating sometimes but even the most boring of masses touches me in some way. I miss it. Don’t @ me about the boring Church statement. Catholic masses don’t get down with the praise music. It’s a rebellious Sunday when they sneak in an acoustic guitar. We have been watching mass and I’m grateful for at least that, but it’s just not the same. I’ll leave it there.
3. I forgot to mention this yesterday, but my brain is getting less and less wrinkles by the minute. Clara and Marian were being sneaks yesterday and when I sat down in the tub, they brought me a basket with 2 warm chocolate chip cookies and a note. How precious is that?!? I will look past the fact that they probably are just little pyros in training and wanted to use the oven. Thankfully 1. Jerry was supervising as I was indisposed in the tub and 2. They’ve been helping cook for a long time.
4. Slightly on the topic of gifts: Jerry and I bought each other bikes today. It was very gift of the Magi except we spent Trump bucks and I did not have to sell my hair- not that anyone would buy this rats’ nest off my head anyway right now. I came home with one for him and he went and got one for me. I forgot how fun riding a bike is. I hadn’t ridden a bike in 17 years other than a stationary bike and even that was dodgy. You know that term “just like riding a bike?” it’s cause it’s true! You don’t forget- not even if you’re 30lbs heavier than you were the last time you rode one while going on year 2 of a broken tailbone from a roller skating incident. I see many many many more bike rides in our future. Hooray for summer activities we can all do together. Just me and my little goslings. And Jerry sometimes too if he doesn’t have to work.