This week has not been my favorite so far. I miss when things were sorta settled feeling- which was what? like a week ago?
1. If I could stop sticking my hands down my pants to adjust my underwear right behind Jerry when he’s on conference calls, that would be grrreeeaattt. You’d think I’d have learned by now, but you’d be wrong. It’s bad enough I walk around looking like Sloth’s meth- addled sister on a good day. Coronatine has not been kind to me. I really do not need to be making matters worse.
2. The day started with the kids all agreeing to watch Kim Possible- yay! They all were inspired by her sweet super hero moves to do hand-to-hand combat- not yay! I broke up as many fights by shrieking HEEEEEYYYYY and maniacally clapping my hands as I ate ice cream Snickers. The double underline answer to this word problem is not one Snickers. There may have also been nearly an entire bag of Doritos and Smash Burger to go in this scenario but 7 weeks of crisis schooling has proven that I am not equipped to do hard math.
3. I got a project last night that I assumed would only take me an hour or two. I’m so silly. I finally wrapped it up at 330 after working on it since 7 and my brain is like mush. I love to write, but some days my brain says no. Some days my deadlines do not care that my brain says no. Today was one of those days. I now have a headache and can’t wait to go to sleep. Forcing synapses to fire is more pleasant than running, but I swear it makes me even more tired than running ever could. I couldn’t keep a close eye on Winnie while I endlessly worked, so I sat outside most of the day. The outside part was marvelous. The part where Alexa was inches from my face and playing Barney on repeat was painful, at best, and Barneyboarding, at worst. That’s Laurel’s JAM and I’m forced to endure it until she moves on to some sassier song that suits her. Clara’s sassy replay was “Toxic” by Britney Spears yesterday. Today it was the Kids Bop version of “Sorry, Not Sorry” by Demi Lovato. On the 47485th play, I screamed at Alexa to play the real version. When the robots take over, I’m going to be high on their hit list, but at least I didn’t die today from bleeding ears. Clara was incensed that I would play the un-Kids Bop version and the whole neighborhood would hear bad words. I was hanging on by a needle thin thread at that point and I *may* or may not have yelled “IT SAYS PAYBACK IS A BAD BITCH! THERE! THE NEIGHBORHOOD HAS HEARD IT! NOW THATS OUT OF THE WAY” and on we went. While outside, I was treated to a not quantifiable number of choreographed numbers. I’m just glad they don’t charge me a nickel for admission or I’d be broke living in a van down by the river. That sounds quiet and Barney proof though so maybe I should make a polite suggestion.
4. I had not been nearly as inept at laundry over the last 7 weeks as one would expect out of me… until the puppy came. You know how they say “sLeeP WhEn THe BAby sLEEps?” Well, that’s not happening. And the baby doesn’t do laundry or housework either. Winnie isn’t allowed upstairs until she’s potty trained, so looks like I’ll be bad at laundry for 5 or 6 months. Back to the status quo. That feels better.
5. It’s supposed to be 82 degrees tomorrow and low 80s for like 5 days. The water slide is coming out first thing tomorrow morning if I have to strap 4 children and a dog to my back to do it. Sun is not enough these days to stop the fights. I pray the dadgum water slide fixes the woes or at least the air blower drowns them out. I desperately need a peaceful day to recharge.