distancing day 53 thoughts:

1. We had to get a new dishwasher today because ours keeps flooding and the top shelf would just fall down sometimes. We have also received basically all new guts for our refrigerator and freezer and a new microwave. I live in a constant state of confusion on how we could possibly be breaking all these appliances- even if they are supplied by the lowest bidder. After I loaded up the dishwasher with the first load of probably 4, I went to turn on the garbage disposal and heard a strange rattling. We are notorious for sending spoons in a whirlpool of leftovers down to Hell. This wasn’t a spoon. It was a golf ball. A. Golf. Ball. Now, I am extraordinarily clear on why all these appliances keep meeting their maker at the Drews.

2. I relaxed my food dye standards today because of the -see above-. I should not have done that. I can ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS tell when the kids are jacked up on food dye cause they act like those people you read about in Florida on bath salts. Not all of my kids are affected by food dye but 75% are and that’s just too bad, so sad for Jack. I think I am also affected by them, but the 800 calories of happy hour cherry coke I drank just might be worth it. If I’m still awake at midnight, I might no longer feel that way.

3. Winnie Winter walked today! I brought the girls with me and she herded the heck out of them. I got “her” genetic results back today and she is only a teeny tiny bit cattle dog- maybe?, but equal parts bichon frisé and chow chow. Nope. I’m not saying that there was a mixup but there was a mixup. Unless her mother just picked up 7 random puppies on the side of the road, they’re AT LEAST 25% cattle dog, but probably more like 50%. I’ve been talking to her brother’s human mom and they’re getting his testing done tomorrow. In a few weeks, I look forward to finding out what she actually is. In other news, she gets buckfrackin’ wild at night. I was looking up nipping and I read a whole article (from a reputable source) on how puppies are still babies and if they’re hungry, overtired, overstimulated, etc they are choochoo on the crazy train. Whoops. Winnie is an excellent sleeper. However, we are so diligent about taking her potty as soon as she wakes up that I think we carry her outside to pee sometimes when she was just repositioning. I also think well-meaning small fries cuddle with her when she’s sleeping in a manner that is not conducive to staying asleep. The article went on to say that dogs need 5 minutes of activity time per month of age twice a day. By those standards, Winnie should only be playing soccer, fetch, chasing the kids around the backyard like a wildebeest for 10 minutes twice. We play with her like HOURS a day. No wonder at night time she’s like I WILL RIP YOUR FINGERS OFF AND FEED THEM TO YOU. I shall confirm this article’s information tomorrow with the vet. We might be turning Winnie’s schedule on it’s ear. She’s the coolest little not chow chow, bichon frisé that I know, but sister needs to be set up for success.

4. Do you remember that candy tab from the dentist that we used to chew and we could see all the plaque on our teeth cause it was red? KoolAid does that. There was raspberry something something KoolAid today when we were playing fast and loose with the red food dye. Needless to say, the Drew kids are brushing about as well as Joe Exotic’s bare chested beau, John. The dentist will not be pleased. The mother is not pleased. The dental insurance company will be displeased, as well, times 4. When do furry teeth become something that bothers you? Do I have to wait for a potential love interest to notice? I don’t think the pocket book can afford to buy dentures for everyone.

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