distancing day 59 thoughts:

1. My day started out with a colossal wax spill on aisle 4 alllllll over the laminate floors. These things are so cheaply made, I’m surprised the wax spill didn’t set the floors ablaze and make all my worst childhood fears come true- the floors are really lava! I spent at least an hour, but maybe more, scraping the wax off the floors with a butterknife and ironing the wax onto brown paper. If you ever have a similar situation, that particular solution with the iron really does work. I vetted it this AM. Isn’t that just exactly how you wish you’d spent your morning too?

2. Winnie Winter is a walking CHAMP lately. I just have to carry uncooked hot dog with me basically all the time. Everything I’ve worn for 4 days smells like hot dog water, but by Hecate I have a dog that is training up for hiking and knows to sit when people or dogs pass and look for her treat. We are also working on sitting at street crossings and waiting, waiting, waaaaaiting until Mommy says it’s safe to cross. She is brilliant and I loves her. We are having a MAJOR problem with the little bitey bites. They’re especially bad when she is tired, but she also won’t sleep in the house. Her people siblings are loud and one of them can’t stop doing handstands and cartwheels. I really don’t blame her. She asks to go outside to sleep but then the kids barge outside to play. I’m trying to solve this problem and I don’t know a good way. I hate to crate her when I think she needs a nap, but also hate to have her disturbed and I don’t trust her to roam free about the house. Anyone have a good solution? I was thinking a dog house and a little playpen would be a good idea but that’s an expensive investment for it to not work for her.

3. Even though no one offered it, I took my Mother’s Day nap in arrears today. I only napped for about 30 minutes, but it was just what I needed to turn my sour puss attitude around. Surprisingly, the wax spill first thing didn’t exactly set my day off on the right foot. After I napped, I turned on limbo music and we limbo’d under pool noodles in the backyard. I may need a few vertebra fused because I think I cracked my back seven ways from Sunday. We also hit tennis balls and Clara sent one sailing into my neighbors hard at a pretty decent clip. She has lived in the house for like 1.5 years and I had my first conversation with her today like Wilson. She was social distancing before it was vogue. The only thing I know about her, other than her name, is she does Beachbody in her front room because when I take the puppy for her morning walk, Shaun T is yelling at me.

4. Speaking of yelling, I came upstairs to take a bath and Alexa is at full tilt and the kids are scream singing “girls just wanna have fun” in some key, but not the correct one. That’s a song from the year I was born – so not exactly current – and I still feel like someone should have warned me that it would be played on repeat 774 times a day forever when I left the hospital with my 2nd girl. Trolls went and put it in their movie and that super duper cemented it into Alexa’s frequently played jams. I still think she’s going to get sick of us one day and quit. I’m sure we’ve already run through a few FBI agents.

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