distancing day 78 thoughts:

1. I am writing this while I wear very fancy hand softening gloves that look like they belong to Blanche Devereaux. My children think I’ve lost my mind and, frankly, I’m rather surprised that of all the weird things I’ve done that this is what did it.

2. Remember when I told you I looked like Beetlejuice? Behold.

2.a. I finally broke down and ordered a food sensitivity test. I am not a vain person at all, but I truly draw the line at looking like I have a hickey from a solo cup. Did I mention that it itches? I have enough problems without also scratching my nose like I have a recreational coke habit. I super duper hope I get some answers from the food sensitivity test. I’m going to have to prick my finger and while I have a pain tolerance of a naked mole rat (look it up) and blood doesn’t bother me, I don’t do well with finger pricks for some wild reason. I did one when I was trying to find out what gender Laurel was and I nearly passed out in the middle of Marian’s bedroom. It was wrong, btw. I changed her diapers- I should know. I might have to phone a friend to help me. Before anyone asks about the eyeliner: I didn’t go full kardashian before my close up. It’s a tattoo. When my work on earth is done (hopefully well into my 90s), my old wrinkly ass is gonna be still looking fly as Hell rolling into the incinerator… well, assuming this eczema is cleared up before then.

2.b. What started as a challenge to go vegan with Jerry got personal today when I woke up resembling Freddy Krueger. I like to think that the Lord reaffirms things for me when I need to be slapped upside the head. I was already planning to cut back on all kinds of foods and had ordered a trunk full of things to make vegan yummies to be picked up today. I also ran to Trader Joe’s to grab up more treats to make vegan eating easier. Trader Joe’s was super busy but they were making people wait in line to keep the numbers down in the store and properly sanitize the carts. I think some people were annoyed with waiting in line (based on the huffing and puffing) but I was thinking Trader Joe’s was doing it right. I don’t think I’ve ever had time/space before today to go up and down every aisle and really look at all their goodies. Overall: 11/10 for TJs. Tonight, I had a farewell meal of Wing Stop so that I could truly bid a proper adieu to meat and dairy. I don’t know if it’s psychosomatic or if I’m just extra on edge about how food makes me feel, but as soon as I ate my wings and fries and bucket-full of ranch I felt yuck. I will be very interested to see if my face looks less janky and if I feel better soon.

3. We had the talk with the kids tonight sort of incidentally about how school isn’t going to look the same as they’re used to in the fall probably. Marian and Clara seemed to be unfazed. The Sagittarius twins were less than pleased. There were some tears, but I think they came around when we explained that they’re not getting locked in a tower like Rapunzel with just a frying pan and a chameleon to keep them company. We are expanding our quaranteam and they can still see their friends in safe ways. Clara, Laurel, and I are all considered high risk. Marian is likely also high risk but does not have an official diagnoses like the 3 of us do. I don’t know what the Fall holds in schools, but I’m almost certain it does not involve me punting my kids out the van at a slow roll on day 1 of school and them spending 7 hours there 5 days a week. I think we all just wish things could go back to normal- even if normal is sweaty, snotty first graders hanging all over each other like Jack and Rose at the bow of the Titanic. Not to play the military kids card, what was/is normal for them anyway? I believe in them and I believe in us. Whatever we end up having to do, we will get through it and we won’t have to clobber anyone with our cast iron skillet.

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