distancing day 81 thoughts:

1. Laurel just asked me if we “could do lawnmower rides.” Oh. Honey. No. It’s not even a riding lawnmower. It’s just a regular push lawnmower and she wants me to ride her around the neighborhood like the Redneck Princess of Peterson. I’m more of the keep your hillbilly to yourself type, but it appears as though I’m alone in that endeavor. Yes, she is wearing cheetah print long underwear and pajama pants, thankyouverymuch. As I was typing this, she convinced Clara to parade her. If we aren’t already the neighborhood favorites, this is the clincher. I think I hid the trumpet so at least we have that going for us.

2. I’ve been a vegan for 2 whole days. How come I’m not skinny yet? If you dare insinuate that it has something to do with my Peruvian corn nut afternoon snack and the quantities of food I’m eating… well, you would be correct. Why you gotta call me out like that though? My food sensitivity test should actually arrive today. I can’t wait to see what it says. I realize it’s only been 2.5 days but I have not missed dairy or meat – not one bit – even though I’ve still been serving it and carrying it around with me for the dog. I could probably do whatever it tells me because I’m not married to anything but sugar and tomatoes. If the test says tomatoes or sugar, I’m just gonna have to be ugly. And that’s that.

3. The bridging books arrive today too. I am prepared to be the most hated mom in America tomorrow when everyone has to do their work. I’m so sorry to the current belt holder, but I’m gonna need you to pass that over.

4. I have spent a lot of time outside today. It’s a beautiful day. We have a lilac? bush in our front yard that smells heavenly and attracts all the butterflies. I’m not sure it’s a lilac bush but it’s definitely a something purple bush that smells nice and I like butterflies far better than I like moths. The butterflies are far more skittish than the dart at your face moth assholes. They were at it again last night, by the way. I tried to get a picture of all the pretty butterflies a bunch of times today and wasn’t entirely successful but I’m gonna share a picture here anyway. I’ve lived here two years and this is the first time I’ve ever seen this plant bloom. It’s definitely worth keeping a picture for memory’s sake. It’s like the day lillies we had in front of our Kansas house. It’s a little extra something that when you see it or smell it, it will always remind you of your temporary home.

5. While we are on the topic of nature, my next door neighbors had a bird build a nest in her front wreath. They’ve been using their side door for weeks so as not to disturb the nest. Yesterday they heard the baby bird’s chirp for the first time. The birds that hang around their front porch look an awful lot like that crazy combative bastard that used to beat his face against our upstairs window until he bled. I obviously cannot be sure it’s the same bird because I don’t know him like that, but if he’s being an upstanding dad- I can forgive the Alfred Hitchcock nightly plight. Behold the preciousest balls of fluff:

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