1. Once a month I have a super heavy work day with a tight deadline. Microsoft updates, as sponsored by Belphegor and Lucifer, likes to force updates every.single.freaking.time. Oh? You needed to work? Lol. LOL. Lollllll. YOU WILL UPDATE AND YOU WILL UPDATE RIGHT NOW. 54 minutes later and I was just getting to start my work. Why is Microsoft like this? Is this karma for past indiscretions? I really try to be a good person and I thought maybe I was at zero balance on the karma-o-meter. Microsoft would like to remind me that no. No, I am not.
2. While I was busy working, the kids got bored. When they get bored, they get bitchy. Bored and bitchy. It’s a thing. It’s a whole hashtag and everything. I was only watching out of my peripheral vision so I’m not sure of the whole story (and I’ll never get the same version out of 4 people), but I know it involved spoons and walloping each other. Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia was also involved to some degree. I was glad when my work was done so I could both leave the performance and we could all move on to less violent silverware activities- like dinner.
3. I finally found kibble that Winnie will eat! Not only did I find kibble she will tolerate, but I found kibble that she loves. Based on her insatiable appetite for her new training treats, I went out on a limb and decided to get the kibble for large breed puppies made by the same people. I mixed it with her 5 gazillion dollar prescription food she’s been gobbling down with gusto and she ate around her janky pâté and just ate the kibble. This is monumental. It’s also proving to be cost effective because I could only get a 30lb bag. What better way to try a food than to buy a bag of it that weighs as much as your 4 year old? Today her one ear decided to play the cattle dog card and I am obsessed. I guess in the one ear she’s been really getting Dwayne Johnson swole. The other ear is a little more Greg Heffley. I’ll be interested to see if it ever catches up. She’s getting so much more interested in things nowadays which contributes to the ear pop. She used to be blissfully unaware of passersby or bikes or other dogs. Lately she is like LET ME LOVE YOU, SWEET COTTONTAIL. Enthusiastic love feels ok even if we do have to work on pulling the leash. I sincerely hope her enthusiastic love stays as love and doesn’t turn into enthusiastic appendage ripping off. Is enthusiastic love a gateway drug? These are things I don’t know but feel like I should. This might be a very fine line. I doubt anyone getting stitched would find her excited one ear as irresistible as her mother does. While I’m boring you with Winnie facts, she lost 2 of her bottom teeth and not the middle ones. It feels a little strange and I don’t know the protocol for the doggy tooth fairy, but she doesn’t seem to care too much about coins or paper coins as Laurel calls them.
4. June is almost over and I’ve pretty much accomplished nothing. I have gotten fatter though, so there’s always that. Not exactly a goal I set, but an achievement that required time and planning none the less. My face is also still flaky and, now, bonus! pimply. 2020 can suck an egg. We rescheduled the kids’ First Communion for October and I’d super like to not look like someone whose been on months of prednisone and the before of a proactiv commercial. Lord willing and the creek don’t rise, I will be able to emotionally separate from food for 3 months. I’m not asking for a lot here… just like 40lbs and maybe some crepe erase for funsies. You know, really, just whatever a filter can’t fix is what I need by October.
drewonpaper.com 