1. There was a Cat4 Maricane today. I really wish Jim Cantore had stopped by and warned me because being sideswiped by the crazy while I was driving 60 down one of the main drags was unsat. Then again, is it *really* Mari’s fault for shrieking because a bird pooped on her window and she could see it or is it the bird’s fault? Definitely her fault. Definitely. As if Marian’s off-key aria wasn’t enough, Laurel decided she should also scream because I told her that she couldn’t have chicken nuggets and French fries at 9am. Not because I cared- it’s coronatine- I do not… but because they.dont.serve.it and I told her she could have it for lunch. I am, obviously, the meanest momma ever. For sure. The other for sure thing is for sure 8pm bedtime isn’t working out.
2. We were out running errands all morning and were home maaaaybe 10 minutes before Marian broke a bottle of nail polish on the bathroom floor. If you guessed that is splattered up the wall, on the toilet, and all over the floor then you would be right. Nobody likes to hear shattered glass but shattered glass when it’s full of lavender nail polish will really set your teeth on edge. I put on my best Truman show smile and walked in and said “that’s ok, accidents happen!” and then, because I wanted her to feel better and not because I’m clumsy, I broke a GIANT candle (that I only keep in there so we can burn it if one of my kids decides to poop in that bathroom right before someone comes over) by trying to move the cabinet to clean it up. I said through gritted teeth “see? Accidents happen! Even to mommy.” And then I spent the next 5 years of my life cleaning up glass. I’m older now and more mature, but still not mature mature.
3. I made Winnie an Instagram today because I wanted a place to see her growth and it’s fun to write things like “hooman” and “I haz.” Also, I take 8474 pictures a day and I try to post only 8473 in my Facebook albums. You can follow her over there at instagram.com/storebrandcattledog if you’re so inclined to see my ridiculous very goodest doggo. I was gonna use equate brand cattle dog which is what I call her but that might make Walmart mad and they have better lawyers. She’s pretty cute though… so Walmart would be wise to go in the Target direction with a Winnie one-ear mascot.
4. You could have fried an egg on my forehead today. I was VERY thankful for some puzzles from a friend because they kept us busy. We all did puzzles for 2.5 hours today instead of roasting outside. Hallelujah. I don’t have the sun stamina I used to have back when I lived in the Deep South. Also, you’ll note in the poster pictures that Laurel got her chicken nuggets at an appropriate hour.
drewonpaper.com 