distancing day 124 thoughts:

1. I just listened to our school’s board meeting and Jesus Lawdt it got me all worked up and I don’t have a punching bag or anything, so I’m all fractious and have no where to put it. I saw a meme today that said we should keep piñatas around because sometimes you just want to beat the hell out of something and then have candy. That is me right now. I’m not going to rehash the whole thing, but I will say this: TEACHERS’ OPINIONS MATTER (because they’re on the frontlines with the little snot monsters). Furthermore, the snot monsters are OUR snot monsters and when it’s yours it’s 100% no matter “what the numbers say.”

2. I had counseling today and I got an assignment to make a list of all the things. All.of.the.things. Things that we do, things we want to do, things we have to do, things that weigh on me, things I think I should do, things I do out of obligation. Then I need to decide what is important to me and what isn’t important to me. When I figure out what’s important to me to keep around this COVID year of insanity, I need to decode WHY that stuff is important. If it’s important out of guilt or culpability- its gots to go. I do not have time for everything and maintaining some semblance of normalcy, so to the chopping block with everything that doesn’t bring my ass joy. I’m about to Marie Kondo my whole damn life and I’m quite happy about it. Can you take mom-guilt and drop it off at Goodwill or nah? If not, I’m just gonna throw that shit directly in the garbage can where it belongs.

3. We spent a lot of time outside again today. This COVID mess and the anxiety therein has ya girl in a funk. I hoped to get some sunshine to recharge my batteries but it was just gray and gross all afternoon. The aforementioned counselor reaffirmed that my decision to start our homeschool journey officially next week might not be a terrible idea. We may only do the actual curriculum 1 or 2x a week until the kids’ school starts back, but I’ll hopefully feel much better about the leveling decisions and our workflow. Even though I bought what we are using and I’m hype about it, I’m sure I won’t feel better about my choice until I know it works for us. While I’m on the subject of counseling, if you’re struggling TALK TO SOMEBODY. I know this has been a hard week for a lot of my friends, so it might be extra hard for you too. Counseling is a life saver- literally. If you can’t do counseling for whatever reason, call me. Mental health is just as important as physical health. YOU are important.

4. My dog was in a very kissy mood with me today, so I let her smooch away. I am almost positive she didn’t eat cat poop today, but I still tried to get her to not kiss my lips. Winnie Winter Lemon Drew is gonna do what she’s gonna do though anyway, so she got me straight on the kisser a few times-eventually I just leaned in. Dogs have a way of sensing our emotion, I think, and I really needed puppy love today. She’s the goodest girl even when she’s literally the worst. As for the cat, he meowed with displeasure for a solid 30 minutes because I ordered Chinese food from a different place and his lone piece of orange chicken didn’t taste like he likes it. Thanks for nothing, Moscow.

5. I do hope things go back to light and airy tomorrow. The weight of all these COVID decisions are heavy. I did realize today (or perhaps just verbalized it for the first time) that I am trusting my gut so much these days. Everyone is just doing the best that they can, but I know what’s best for these 4 mini humans… some more mini than others. It’s just a lot to try to make sure that you’re doing right by everyone when you don’t know what right is or even what it feels like. Hopefully my gut is telling me the most sensible choice and not that the new orange chicken didn’t agree with me either.

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