1. You know who made the very most covidist of covid decisions in the history of covid decisions? This guy:
2. Marian and I took Winnie to training this morning and then we dropped her off so we could run to Walmart to get Winnie some more food (and a whole lot of stuff we don’t need). I know you’re all going to find this hard to believe but today was a 2 Walmart day. It was also a Dollar General and Dollar Tree kinda day. Dollar General was such a disheveled mess I couldn’t get one single thing. Let me spend my monnneeyyy. Dollar Tree supplied me with snap together refrigerator storage to go with the silicon washable refrigerator mats I recently purchased. I now have all the components to organize the crap out of this fridge before school/“learning while eating” starts. The level of excitement I feel about my silicon mats and sterilite fridge organization just catapults me right into middle age and I find nearly? middle aged Meagan to be better than ever.
3. Winnie escaped the backyard last night while we were at the Chuckwagon supper. Our back gate doesn’t latch unless you make it latch… closing it alone does bupkis. 95% of the time I check the back gate before we leave, even though it irritates all of my family members. We were in a hurry yesterday when we left because, ya know, 1 person runs around barking orders, one person sorta executes the orders, and 4 people stand around with their thumbs up their respective buttholes. She has a doggie door and we push her bed up to the door when we are going to be out so she doesn’t have the run of house but she can still potty if she needs to. We got home pretty late, so we assumed she was asleep. Still, I decided to check on her before I went to bed. Wouldn’t you know that the gate was wide open and the dog was nowhere to be seen? Cue ALL the dramatics. All of them. I remained calm and told the kids that we live on post and she will be fine, but they were flailing to the ground in the driveway, speaking tongues, bellowing to all the gods, Saints, God, and maybe some minor Hindu folks for good measure. Christianity goes right out the window when you gotta be dramatic. It’s time to call in e’rebody. I went driving around and called myself checking the dog park (comically named Garden of the dogs). I didn’t see her so I kept driving. I decided to check the dog park one more time before I went back to check on the kids who were hanging back with Jerry. The second time, I saw her big, doofy, neurologically unwell ass prancing/bounding about. Excuse the fuck out of me for interrupting your audition for Santa’s slay, Ms. Winnie Winter but I gotta get home and calm down Dame Judy Dench, Ms. Bernadette Peters, and ole’ Adele Dazeem before the crescendo, mmmk? Don’t worry about WW. She was fine and was having the time of her life. We love her ridiculous ass and if we can get her resource guarding under control, we are going to have ourselves the perfect dog we pretend to have on the Internet.
FYI: there is now a padlock on that gate so sorry, folks, you can go around.
drewonpaper.com 