distancing day 249 thoughts:

I kept everyone alive, fed, and educated today, but that’s it.

The day started with me using DelMonte pears instead of weights because I only have 10# weights and I’m not trying rip any tendons or cartilage hulking out. I only accidentally flung the can of pears across the garage once and I’m considering that one for the W category.

It was followed closely by schmearing BBQ all over my face as one of the angel children made a potion with my face wax and I was woefully ignorant about such witch craft (as my face wax is very similar in color). I was trying to clean up the old unibrow and thought I smelled a little porky. The wax was rather thin and didn’t pull right. I was really tipped off when it left an orange stain on my face. I am not Einstein, but I can add 2 and 2. Did you wax your face with Sweet Baby Ray’s today? Cool. You’re doing better than me.

Since the kids felt like concocting further, they “took a bath” which consisted of pouring in half a quart of olive oil and then squirting in my confetti face scrub until the bathtub looked like someone decimated a kinky stripper’s birthday piñata in my bathtub. I don’t have to tell you that I yeeted myself to another universe trying to get in to clean it. That’s when I decided that I would keep everyone alive and make sure their bottom tier psychological needs were met but that’s about all I had to offer.

And that’s exactly what I did.


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