distancing day 310 thoughts:

I don’t wanna write today but it’s because I’ve been fighting off trauma memories all day. I have never been one to shy away from honesty so I’m just going to be honest even if it’s uncomfortable.

I wrote my girlfriends group text today and asked them if they had ever had a “bad trauma” day or just a day where nothing is wrong but everything is wrong. I had a perfectly lovely day with my family but I had little trauma blips/memories all day that kept me from being present. Some of the trauma memories are unresolved and some of them are resolved but still painful. I don’t know why my brain chose today to remind me of all the painful things, but if I have learned anything- you can’t get through something if you don’t face it head on.

Instead of napping (which is what I wanted to do) to escape my trauma blips, I baked. This time I didn’t bake because I wanted to eat, I baked because I wanted to process and be alone with my thoughts. I could do that in the kitchen while creating something yummy and beautiful.

I heard a reminder today that bad days are temporary and I’m glad that they are. I had a bad day inside my own head but I sat with my feelings and I felt them. Running away today wouldn’t have done me any good.

Now I’m in the bathtub soaking and just letting the day wash over me. Tomorrow will be better and if it isn’t, that’s ok too.

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